83 things you do NOT want your System Administrator to say

1. uh-oh....

2. Oh S***!

3. What the heck?!?

4. Go get your backup tape. (You DO have a backup tape?)

5. That's Soooooo bizarre.

6. WOW!! Look at this...

7. Hey!! The Suns don't do this.

8. Terminated?

9. What software license?

10. Well, it's doing SOMETHING...

11. Wow...that seemed fast...

12. I got a better job a Lockheed...

13. Management says...

14. Sorry, the new equipment didn't get budgeted.

15. What do you mean that wasn't a copy?

16. It didn't do that a minute ago.

17. Where's the GUI on this thing?

18. Damn, and I just bought that Coke...

19. Where's the DIR command?

20. The drive ate the tape but that's OK, I brought my screwdriver.

21. I cleaned up the root partition and now there's LOTS of free space.

22. What's this 'any' key I'm supposed to press?

23. Do you smell something?

24. What's that grinding sound?

25. I have never seen it do THAT before...

26. I don't think it should be doing that...

27. I remember the last time I saw it do that...

28. You might as well all go home early today...

29. My leave starts tomorrow.

30. Oops! (said in a quiet, almost surprised voice)

31. Hmm, maybe if I do this...

32. Why is this 'rm -r *' taking so long?

33. Hmmm, curious.

34. Well, MY files were backed up.

35. What do you mean you needed that directory?

36. What do you mean /home was on that disk? I unmounted it!

37. Do you really need your home directory to do any work?

38. I didn't think anybody would be doing any work at 2am, so I killed your job.

39. Yes, Ichowned all the files to belong to pvcs. Is that a problem to you?

40. We're standardizing on AIX.

41. Wonder what THIS command does?

42. What did you say your (1) user name was...?

43. You did WHAT to the floppy??

44. Sorry, we deleted that package last week.

45. NO!!! Not THAT button!!!!

46. [looks at workstation] "Say, what version of DOS is this thing running?

47. YEEHAA!!! What a CRASH!!

48. What do you mean that could take down the whole network?

49. What's this switch for anyways?

50. Tell me again what that '-r' option to rm does...

51. Say, what does 'Superblock Error' mean anyhow?

52. If I knew it wasn't going to work, I would have tested it sooner.

53. Was that YOUR directory?

54. System coming down in 0 minutes...

55. The backup procedure works fine, but the restore is tricky!

56. Hey Fred, did you save that posting about restoring filesystems with vi and a toothpick? More importantly, did you print it out?

57. The spinkler system isn't supposed to leak is it?

58. It is only a minor upgrade, the system should be back up in a few hours. (said on a Monday afternoon)

59. I think we can plug just one more thing into this outlet strip without tripping the breaker.

60. What is all this I hear about static charges destroying computers?

61. I found this rabbit program that is supposed to test system performance, and I have it running now.

62. Ummm...Didn't you say you turned it ott?

63. The network's down, but we're working on it. Come back after dinner. (usually said at 11pm the night before a thesis deadline)

64. Oops! Everyone save your work! FAST!!

65. Boy, it's a lot easier when you know what you're doing.

66. I hate it when that happens.

67. Why did it say '/bin/rm: not found'?

68. You can do this patch with the system up...

69. What happens to a hard disk when you drop it?

70. Well, I've got a backup, but the only copy of the restore program was on THAT disk...

71. Hey, what does MKFS do?

72. Where did you say those backup tapes were kept?

73. ...and if we just swap these two disk controllers like this....

74. Don't do that, it'll crash the sys....DAMN!!!

75. What's this hash prompt on my terminal mean?

76. Now it's funny you should ask that, because I don't know either...

77. Can you get VMS for this Sparc thingy?

78. I don't care what he says, I'm NOT having it on MY network.

79. We don't support that. We WON'T support that.

80. ...and after I patched the microcode...

81. You've got TECO. What more do you want?

82. We prefer not to change the root password, it's a nice easy one...

83. Just add yourself to the password file and make a directory...

TOP TEN MICROSOFT NON-MONOPOLISTIC SLOGANS

10) Competition is good. 90% market share is better.

9) We're disappointed that the US government failed to reach a reasonable settlement with Microsoft. We thought that our press release last year about Microsoft buying the US government took care of these little details.

8) We support a free marketplace. So long as our support is visibly branded everywhere, at any price.

7) The Road Ahead: Revised edition, "How to avoid the sink holes."

6) When in doubt, spend gobs of cash on ads in all the major newspapers on a one-day rampage against government. That always beats befriending politicians and bureaucrats.

5) We value our customers. That's why we only charge $75 per question on our toll-free tech support phone lines! (Hey, at least the phone call is free)!

4) Just because our marketing memos effectively caught us with our pants down and our hands in the cookie jar, doesn't mean we can't bully our way out of this mess.

3) We love the idea of competition. That's why we bought a huge chunk of Apple.

2) The US economy depends heavily on Microsoft's ability to release software patches on time. Yeah, and that also proves how insignificant and non-monopolistic we are as compared to our software competitors.

and finally,

1) No Netscape for you!

26 Things in a Perfect Guy

26 Things in a Perfect Guy

1. Know how to make you smile when you are down.

2. Try to secretly smell your hair, but you always notice.

3. Stick up for you, but still respects your

independence.

4. Give you the remote control during the game.

5. Come up behind you and put his arms around you.

6. Play with your hair.

7. His hands always find yours.

8. Be cute when he really wants something.

9. Offer you plenty of massages.

10. Dance with you, even if he feels like a dork.

11. Never run out of love.

12. Be funny, but know how to be serious.

13. Realize he's being funny when he needs to be serious.

14. Be patient when you take forever to get ready.

15. React so cutely when you hit him and it actually hurts.

16. Smile a lot.

17. Plans a romantic date full of cheesy things he wouldn't
normally like to do, just because he knows it means a lot to you.

18. Appreciate you.

19. Help others out.

20. Drive 5 hours just to see you for 1.

21. Always gives you a peck on the cheek when
you depart from each others company, even when his
friends are watching.

22. Sing, even if he can't.

23. Have a creative sense of humor.

24. Stare at you.

25. Call for no reason.

26. Quit smoking, chewing, drinking, or drugs - just because he loves u that much to quit it.

Dream is a wish

Joke!

A foreign Newspaper wants to publish a report about the life in Egypt , So they send a female reporter to interview the common citizen in egypt ..when she arrives at cairo ..she picks a random guy ,and starts her interview

Reporter: Hi
Egyptian: We 3alkom el salam ya 2otta
Reporter: Do u speak english?
Egyptian: Berfect
Reporter: Do u mind if i interview u?
Egyptian: No, i dont have a mind
Reporter: What' s your name?
Egyptian: Taha
Reporter: Sex?
Taha: I love it
Reporter: oh no, i meant male or female?
Taha (yelling): what do u sink?
Reporter: Its just for the sake of the report..never mind...male. ...
Taha: yas male..and i can brove it any time u want
Reporter: No, thanks,I' ll take u for ur word...so..how do u find life here in egypt ?
Taha: Egybt.. very nice cantry..nice wezar..nice food..byramidz
Reporter: oh well..beside the weather and the pyramids..what else do u like in ur country?
Taha: Byramids,nice wezar,nice food
Reporter: Ok. .lets move on..what do u do?
Taha: I am very well ,sank u
Reporter: No, I mean do u have a job?
Taha(looking around him and whispering): Jobat?..no i dont have any (jobat)..lessa mastaba7nash. .do u have a (job) with u?..we can esmoke it in my car..dont warry about bolice
Reprter: Oh my god,DO YOU WORK?
Taha: Yas yas..Taxi drivar
Reporter: What do u think about the traffic problem in egypt ?
Taha: Very big broblem..very much cars..u see?..but za guvurment is trying to make it bettar..zey did the circle street and za me7war street..and zey make all streets one way so if u go..u cant come back..niahahaha3
Reporter: What about the economic problems in Egypt ?
Taha: I do not undurstand what u say
Reporter: I mean..how do u deal with money problems in egypt ?
Taha: No NO NO..egybt very rich cantry...we have alot of cotton..alot of water..and we have byramidz
Reporter: So do u make a lot of money?
Taha: No no.. it is not legal to make money..one frend i know make money at home..and he go to brizon..if u make money at home..u can only give it to za banzeena man..they take any money
Reporter: let me rephrase..since Egypt is a rich country.. do u have a lot of money?
Taha: me?! ..Not alot..but I eat and drink Al7amdulelah?
Reporter: Then where does all the money go?
Taha: Guvurment
Reporter: And what does the government do with the money?
Taha: Zey Build circle street,me7war street and make all streets one way
Reporter: well , Ok...Do u vote?
Taha: What duz zat mean?
Reporter: Do u choose your president
Taha: Mubarak?
Reporter: yes
Taha(nervously) : i didnt give my voice..but if i was..i will give him my voice
Reporter: Why him?
Taha: Because he was an airoplane in za war..he waz za leadar airoplane
Reporter: But there r no wars right now
Taha: But if we have war..u see?...we know we will have a very good airoplane in it
Reporter: what about the last 26 years?
Taha: I got marry..and have 3ala2 and Amira..and drive taxi
Reporter: No, i meant what did Mubarak do for Egypt in the last 26 years
Taha: He build circle street, me7war street and make all streets one way
Reporter: Thank you very much for ur time Mr. Taha
Taha: No broblem, only 10 bounds
Reporter: I never said i will pay u for this
Taha: Ok..just give me the (job) then..we smoke and make head
Reporter: Grrrrrrrr
Taha: ok ok..need a Taxi?

Bwhahhahaha!!!

The Beauty of Mathematics

The Beauty of Mathematics

1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321


1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111


9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888

Brilliant, isn't it?

And finally, take a look at this symmetry:

1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111=123456789 87654321

HOW TO START YOUR DAY WITH A POSITIVE ATTITUDE

1 . Open a new file in your PC .

2. Name it "Your Boss"

3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN

4 . Empty the RECYCLE BIN

5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Your Boss permanently?"

6. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly....

7 . Feel better?

HAVE A NICE DAY

Old Home

 

Only you

A Friend should be Radical; They should love you when you're unlovable, Hug you when you're unhuggable, And bear you when you're unbearable.

A Friend should be Fanatical; They should cheer when the whole world boos, Dance when you get good news, And cry when you cry too.

But most of all, a Friend should be Mathematical, They should multiply the joy, Divide the sorrow, Subtract the past, And add to tomorrow, Calculate the need deep in your heart, And always be bigger than the sum of all their parts.

Only you can be this kind of friend to me. Please send this to a special friend.

I FOUND YOU!

I've searched around the world from north to south, and east to west. Day and night, in search of a friend because I only wanted the best. This friend must be kind and sincere, happy and full of cheer. Someone who knows how to have lots of fun, and when times get rough, won't run. Though I've searched the world looking for you, my friendship wishes finally came true. I FOUND YOU!

Friends are Special

Funny Responsible Intelligent Excellent Nice Dependable Sincere Always There Real Exciting Super Pleasant Enjoyable Cool Imaginative Awesome Loving

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Please send back. This is neat

MAY OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S STRAIGHT! FROM THE HEART!
MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE A RAINBOW OF SMILES ON Y OUR FACE AND IN YOUR HEART FOREVER AND EVER!
FRIENDS FOREVER!

Forward this to at least 7 people and see what happens on your screen . You will laugh your head off!!!!!!!!!!!

This is the coolest thing I have ever gotten. All you have to do is send it to 7 people and watch your screen, it is the funniest clip. I can't tell you what is but I was laughing so hard I almost fell off my chair!!! So, send it to those 7 people and watch.